When you live far away from home
There is nothing like a global pandemic to make you realise how privileged you are.
I write this during the Easter break from work that still pays my salary in full. I live in Germany, a country with one of the best public healthcare systems in the world. I could afford social distancing without any drastic change to my lifestyle.
I am very much aware of the massive privilege I enjoy at this moment when a lot of people are struggling to make ends meet during this situation. However, I am also far away from home. I was born and raised in Indonesia and my mum still lives there, by herself.
Every morning my default mode is to check on her. Is she healthy? Does she have everything she needs without having to go outside? Is she coping alright?
As I sip the turmeric oat milk latte I made from the recipe I saw on Youtube, I worry about what is going to happen in Indonesia. My friends have been sending me links to the news and projections about the COVID-19 cases back home and they look horrifying.
Indonesia might have more than 200,000 deaths by the virus in the next few months if the government does not step up its current control measures.
Yes, I do have everything I need and I should be using this time of social distancing to focus on my own project. Nevertheless, so often my mind is miles away, with my mum, thinking, once again, if she is doing alright.
My anxiety gets worse knowing that Indonesian government still allows its citizens to do the annual exodus (Mudik) to their home villages that marks the end of the Muslim fasting month. Only a few hospital in Indonesia can handle COVID-19 cases, and they are overwhelmed already, so once the virus gets to the villages, we can only predict the worst.
I know that I should remind myself of the privileges I have. However, I can’t help but to feel conflicted.
Who will look after my mum if she gets sick? Am I allowed to fly back home if she needs me?
Somehow, privilege feels irrelevant in this case. By the end of the day, I guess I’m okay, but it’s only a solace if my loved ones also are — Turmeric latte in hand or not.